Well here we go again, another batch of lists of movies to end a year.
What year I say, it all started out so promising, so hopeful we had a new Wonder Woman film, the final James Bond film with Daniel Craig in the role, Top Gun: Maverick which had some spectacular trailers, the MCU now charting a post Endgame world beginning with Black Widow to look forward to among many many others.
But then we saw the biggest change to our lives outside of the last World War come in the form of COVID-19, a viral pandemic that turned the things that sustain us as people into a health hazard almost overnight and as a result entire industries had to be shut down and many many people lost their jobs and within days things we took for granted were shut down and slammed shut in front of our eyes.
That was certainly the case for me, seeing the cinemas closed and the movies constantly pushing their release dates back and the border to South Australia a border I have crossed my entire life was slammed shut like a roller door coming down with a keep out sign placed on the front and for two thirds of the year I was at home with no livelihood and no job, I was more fortunate than most but it was still a hard struggle at times with one thing really really helping me through the shutdown period I went through was reading about and researching details I could find on Timothy Dalton’s planned but never made 3rd James Bond movie.
So, this year like this list 2020 was a real turkey that deserves to be thoroughly cooked for me but that was the year this is the list.
This will be a shorter list this year due to that long shutdown period I went through but I have 4 turkeys that I want to cook for letting me down and being bad films and this one number 4 is not one I put here lightly as it was a film, I really wanted to love but didn’t and it is:
Mank: Yes, David Fincher’s return to filmmaking since 2014’s Gone Girl which made my favourites list that year is one of my Turkeys of this year and I take no pleasure in saying this at all.
Fincher’s craftsmanship is second to none this is a beautiful film to look at in terms of its production design and to listen to in its musical score but the more I thought about the film the more I grew to resent Gary Oldman’s portrayal of Herman Mankiewicz who along with Orson Welles wrote the script for the classic film Citizen Kane.
The way Oldman plays this part was like that of a burbling drunk at a dinner party who goes on and on and on and on about everything, embarrassing all the other guests at that party and after a while you just want someone to stand up and say “WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”
And I get that this was part of who Mr Mankiewicz was but Oldman’s portrayal doesn’t give us any reason to get behind this guy or even like him as that honest soul in a fundamentally dishonest and illusionary world and on top of that a big chunk of this movie is devoted to this election race in California that has really little to do with the main story of this movie and as a result I found myself caring less and less for the film as time goes on.
Also as nice as the Black and White cinematography is at times it is too dark to look at in terms of the blacks they become so murky in some scenes that it pulls you out of the experience of watching the film and admiring the period recreation and look I love Fincher I really do but this is this year’s equivalent of Jojo Rabbit a movie by a filmmaker I dearly love only for it to really grate with me in a bad way.
3. Scoob: Warner Brothers attempts to jumpstart a new animated franchise with Scoob based not only on the classic Scooby Doo cartoon but also the broader Hannah Barbera cartoon universe a universe I loved watching with characters like Top Cat, Dastardly and Muttley, Quick Draw McGraw, Dynomutt I mean if this had worked I would’ve been all in on a new Hannah Barbera film universe.
But I hated every moment of watching this movie as it just had no love and no respect and no passion for that source material and all it was was this hodge podged piffle full of modern day jokes that weren’t funny, cameos that felt pointless, a Scooby Doo origin story that barely gets any focus and iconic villains in Dastardly and Muttley who like the Mystery Machine gang are kept apart for a huge chunk of the movie.
To say I was disappointed after this one was watched was something of an understatement but Number 2 on this list tops that by some magnitude and it is:
Bombshell: A movie I was very keen for about a story that’s worth telling, a group of Fox News journalists who allege sexual harassment by their powerful boss Roger Ailes and the mounting allegations that later led to his termination as head of that network.
And it has a great cast in Nicole Kidman, Margot Robbie, Charlize Theron, Kate McKinnon and John Lithgow among others plus its set in 2016 before the election of Donald Trump, boy did this have the makings of a great angry film.
But it was neither of those things, it wasn’t great, and I didn’t feel any anger watching this at all and during 2016 I got to know some wonderful journalists as I was still on the Radio during that time and if anything ANYTHING bad had happened to them I would’ve wanted the power of a Super Saiyan from Dragon Ball Z flowing through my veins so I could kick the shit out of those responsible so hard and fast they wouldn’t dare do it again.
Instead it was so flippant in its tone with the constant 4th wall breaking and voiceover narration that it sapped this story of any serious impact and the only character that seemed to have any of that seriousness to it was Margot Robbie’s character and that’s because she was created just for this movie and in hindsight this movie should have been a fictional one based off these events then you could’ve gone as hard and as furious as you want and not dance around events which the film does to some extent because NDAs have been signed oh well I guess this is the way.
But now we come to the complete turkey of 2020 and it is:
Artemis Fowl: Oh boy, oh dear oh dear this movie thankfully there were no cinemas open at the time of its release on Disney Plus for it to let a fart off in.
I love Sir Kenneth Branagh I really do he’s a terrific talent in front of and behind the camera, but he really made it hard with this movie as it just doesn’t feel like either he or those in charge at Walt Disney Pictures had any clue what to do with this movie.
What story did they want to tell, how much of the book did they want to use, how far do they push that story so it feels of one piece and not the first of many that may never come well none of the above it would seem as it just felt like this desperate push by Branagh and/or Disney to make the next Harry Potter or the next Lord of the Rings or the next Young Adult film sensation and it succeeds at none of these tasks.
The characters are poorly developed, the storyline is too brief, the world they live in is poorly defined and the cast just don’t really seem to have any kind of clue what movie their meant to be in at one-point Artemis’s house turns into Nakatomi Tower from Die Hard and instead of Detonators they want some artefact and because this movie has no clear story or vision you just sit there bored with everything and as a result it is my biggest Turkey of 2020.
And now we can all sit around the Turkeys that have been cooked and share them with our friends and family along with salad and hot chips and roast potatoes and carrots and vegetables for in Part 2 I will reveal my favourite films of 2020.
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