Pan is a new telling of the Peter Pan legend and stars Levi Miller as young Peter orphaned in WW2 England but manages to escape on the ship of Pirate Captain Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) whilst working in his mines he meets another orphan named Hook (Garrett Hedlund) and the two then set off on a great journey in this new world of Neverland.
Pan is not a bad film by any stretch of the imagination but it is also a deathly boring film to sit through, possibly the most boring I've seen this year ahead of Tomorrowland and Ricki and the Flash and the reasons are numerous:
- The first is that the storyline itself feels so plodding and predictable that you just sit there bored out of your brain watching the film unfold and you also sit there wishing that you could just rewrite the bloody thing yourself I mean the story of Pan and Hook being friends could've been interesting I mean look at Xavier and Magneto in X-Men and indeed a film like X-Men First Class could've been somewhere to look in terms of finding an inspiration for this film but instead it plays out like a bad knockoff of Avatar and Harry Potter and it suffers hugely in comparison.
- The second is that the world of Neverland looks so dark and dreary here and that was not the case when I think back to the 1951 Walt Disney version of Peter Pan, it was bright and colourful and cheery whereas here it all looks cheap for a start with some pretty average CG work and small scale sets (hell the mines reminded me of Immortan Joe's citadel from Mad Max Fury Road) and again after a while I just got bored looking at it all.
- And lastly the performances are dull as all Smeg to watch, I love Jackman and I love Rooney Mara who plays Tiger Lily but both of them are horribly wasted in their roles, Hugh plays Blackbeard as a cross between Ramirez from Highlander and Immortan Joe from Mad Max Fury Road and Mara is reduced to the token Warrior Woman, Miller does Peter with a really cheesy British Accent while Hedlund tries to make Hook into an Indiana Jones type Adventurer but just grates after a while.
And so that was Pan, a film I cannot recommend you spend your money to go and see and indeed whilst watching it myself I wished I was watching the new Blinky Bill movie, Sicario and/or Dragon Ball Z Resurrection F instead, 1 out of 5.
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