Eternals is the newest Marvel Studios movie directed by Chloe Zhao fresh from her Oscar win for Nomadland and this movie concerns the Eternals a group of godlike beings who serve the Celestials who first came to Earth 7,000 years ago to help defend Earth against the Deviants, now in the modern day the Deviants have returned and the Eternals must reunite to stop them.
Eternals commits a crime that I never but ever thought the Marvel Studios movies would ever commit and that is to be boring, so much of this film is a lifeless, ponderous bore that I cannot believe it has come from the same studio that for so long has had a tight grip on the quality of their films even if some of them weren’t that great you didn’t sit there thinking you were either bored or you hated the heroes you were watching.
And both sins are committed here and its shocking, the Eternals has a talented cast with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Kumail Nanjiani, Gemma Chan, Richard Maddern, Salma Hayek, Brian Tyree Henry and Kit Harington among others and so much of their dialogue while refreshingly free of the Marvel humour though there are flashes of it here and there is so ponderous, so up itself and so philosophical that the cast try hard as they do just can’t rise above it.
And as for the storytelling itself, so much of it makes no real sense, right from the get go I went “What the Fuck” and that expression of WTF happened multiple times throughout this film and again it all feels like a lifeless bore and I just didn’t care by the time it was all over and look the Marvel movies since Avengers Infinity War in 2018 have been very hit and miss for me and between Iron Man and Infinity War there were some duds.
But they were the duds you more or less expect the direct sequels but even in those or the movies that were kinda meh or forgettable they were anchored by likeable heroes performed by perfectly cast actors like the late great Chadwick Boseman or Paul Rudd or Brie Larson or Chris Evans or Benedict Cumberbatch to name as some examples but here I didn’t want to spend any more time with this group of heroes then I had to and it is stunning that Kevin Feige who has been the mastermind of this terrific run would stumble so badly with this movie.
But maybe this was inevitable as almighty Thanos once said that sooner or later like with all other movie franchises that have that dream run of success your luck simply runs out and that is the case with Eternals I’m afraid.
As for the rest of the film the Deviants are like the vast majority of villains in this franchise a complete blank that really only exist because they have to even though once again Marvel Studios has such little interest in doing anything substantial with them or indeed most of their villains and this time I’m not mad about it mainly because of the stunning failure to put any life into the heroes.
As for the positives well there are some nice visuals in this film such as a moonlit city scape and some nice beach moments and sunsets but Nomadland had nice visuals as well and that was a far better film.
And so that was the Eternals and I still find it hard to believe that Marvel Studios could make such a lifeless up itself boring film, if you’re an MCU fan you will go and see this and so you should I won’t stand in your way but if your not that big of a fan I wouldn’t bother, 1 out of 5.
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