Snake Eyes is the newest film in the GI Joe film series and this time Henry Golding stars as Snake Eyes who as a young boy saw his father murdered in front of him and has grown up on the streets until he rescues a young man from the Yakuza who repays that debt by taking him into his clan in Japan but sinister forces are on the loose for this clan possess a great jewel capable of destroying the entire world.
Snake Eyes is sadly like Monster Hunter from earlier this year in that I didn’t have a lot of high hopes for it just some escapist fun in the cinema but it fails like Monster Hunter did to deliver on that fun and is extremely boring and there are 2 clear reasons for this:
- Firstly the action scenes are fucking terrible, so many of them are either over edited with shaky cam or quick camera movements or they take place at night in low lighting and everyone is wearing dark clothing and you can’t tell who’s fighting who and its awful to watch, the street I walked down after I saw the film had better lighting than the action scenes in this movie and also despite the huge amount of sword fights in this movie there’s no Blood not one drop and it doesn’t feel like a proper Ninja movie without the blood on the floor.
- And secondly the storytelling is very predictable here, there are numerous attempts to connect this movie to the broader GI Joe universe and it doesn’t work very well at all and whenever those references came up I just wanted a proper GI Joe film with the kind of outlandishness that the Fast and Furious films have which have more and more developed that live action cartoon feel that a GI Joe film I feel should have but here it didn’t work and it’s a real shame.
As for the cast they do their best but only Henry Golding really stands out and seeing him in this movie has convinced me that he would be a great James Bond after Daniel Craig leaves the part with No Time to Die (can that film please hurry up and come out already) though Henry Cavill will give him stiff competition for that part.
And so that was Snake Eyes and now you know that this movie sucks and Knowing is Half the Battle, 1 out of 5.
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