A Year Long Remembered: 2014 in Film Part 2

With my overall look of the year out of the way, its time to delve into my best and worst films of the year.

I talked about these somewhat on my Radio show but given that about half of it was removed for broadcast (if the full version could've been used it would've been) I began to feel that I should do a column about them so I could recapture the feeling of the pre record of my show where I talked about my picks at length.

Without further ado lets now talk about the 7 worst films of 2014 and these ones my friends just went utterly troppo.

7. Exodus Gods and Kings: A late entry into this list was Sir Ridley Scott's Biblical epic Exodus Gods and Kings which told the tale of Moses and how he would free his people from the hands of the tyrannical Egyptian rule.

But instead it was just laughable to sit through boys and girls now don't get me wrong as a physical production it was handsomely mounted but the script was predictable (frankly Milhouse was a better version of Moses) and the casting oh boy oh boy.

It was utterly ridicolous and at times I just thought "what the fuck" I mean you had Joel Edgerton YELLING HIS LINES LIKE THIS (YOU THINK YOUR GOD, I AM THE GOD) you had Ben Mendelsohn playing the whole thing as if he cares more about his nails than his slaves, Sir Ben Kingsley playing Ben Kenobi (something bad happens and he wakes up suddenly and I thought "He felt a great disturbance in the Force")

Plus there was John Turturro who shows us more man parts in Transformers than I would care to see from a man his age being totally unbelievable as a Pharaoh plus I just kept wishing for Apocalypse from X-Men and his Four Horsemen to show up and destroy everything so the film would be over.

And yet Sir Ridley could once make a good film like Black Rain with Michael Douglas but alas he needs to pick better scripts or otherwise he will ruin his reputation.

6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Everyone remembers these loveable Turtles who cracked jokes in a battle, were Heroes in a Half Shell, the World's most Fearsome Fighting Team and when the evil Shredder attacked, these Turtle boys didn't cut no slack.

Well instead of this being a Cowabunga Good Time at the movies for the family it was a dark, dull and noisy Cowabummer experience that kids shouldn't be allowed to watch (and I heard as such from some families as its M rating put some families off from taking their kids to see it, I don't blame them) especially given that Michael Bay's producer credit pretty much means his fingerprints are all over this film.

And to be very honest if he wasn't lured back to direct Transformers 4: The Film that Never Ends (seriously it just goes on and on my friends) I have no doubt he would've considered directing this film instead as the backstory is unforgivably changed, the Turtles look too bulky and are so dull to watch its a joke and the story is the generic loveless Billionaire out to ransom New York City.

In a way I can't help but think these Turtles are in the same camp as Spider-Man in that both are inherent fun characters that are having formulas for darker films imposed upon them and it doesn't work so there's no Turtle Power here I'm afraid.

5. Sex Tape: The "Comedy" if you could say that with Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel from earlier this year with those 2 actors playing a married couple bored with being married so they film themselves doing a sex tape but oh dear it gets put into the cloud and on every iPad Segel's character ever gave away.

The worst thing in the world sometimes is a comedy with no laughs and there were none whatsoever to be had in this movie but in terms of "The Cloud" Jesus Fucking Christ there is some DUMB! shit going on here I mean seriously if you wanted to add it to your fucking Pad just go "Add File to Video Library" then you wouldn't have had to run around for 90 minutes doing dumb shit and worrying if your bestest best buddies or your very important boss seeing you two Rock the Kasbah trying to rekindle that old spark that saw you two bonking away (without any protection probably) until the two of you have to be dragged out of bed by a Wilderbeest Stampede.

Give me a fucking break, seriously and people wonder why Diaz's career has gone down the toilet these days.

4. Free Birds: An animated film from January saw two Turkeys travel back through time to the first Thanksgiving so that Turkeys aren't on the Menu.

If that's as Dumb as that sounds well the film is pretty much that and 2014 has been a good year for family films with Paddington, The Lego Movie and How to Train your Dragon 2 so its a shame that the year started off so badly with this one.

First of all the animation is the standard digimation with no life in it, Woody Harrelson, George Takei and Colm Meaney all good comic performers are given nothing to do, the story makes no sense and at times I just thought to myself "Oh Come On, your having me on here" so one could say that this was in every sense of the word A Turkey.

3. The Monuments Men: Now this would look like a winner on the page, a great historical story about saving artwork from the Nazi's, a talented A list cast and director attached, what could go wrong.

Well just about everything went wrong, the film has no coherent tone or structure to it (at one point its fun another its serious), the cast are very hit and miss (Matt Damon was a poor substitute for Daniel Craig, Cate Blanchett was way too pompous and Bill Murray just looked like a sad tired old man who doesn't care about making movies anymore.) and for Clooney this along with his 3 weddings is not a good look for a star that I normally enjoy in a film but as a director he needs to try harder.

2. Transcendence: The Johnny Depp computer film released back in late April saw him as a scientist who downloads his mind into a computer to avoid dying after being shot.

You know letting someone become all powerful through computers is probably not a smart move as this film was just stupid to sit through as one part of it doesn't blend with the other (again those tonal problems from Monuments Men come back) and as for the cast well Depp just sounds bored, Kate Mara wanders around for something to do, Morgan Freeman and Cillian Murphy just stand around thinking "have they sent the paycheque yet?" and Rebecca Hall trying her darndest to keep the whole show afloat.

But that doesn't even compare to my number 1 pick which is:

The Equalizer: Yes folks my worst film of 2014 is also the dumbest film I ever sat through at the cinema this year, Denzel Washington's adaptation of the Equalizer.

And this was DUMB DUMB DUMB! action filmmaking that was also way too long (135 minutes is not good enough for what is a silly exploitation film, John Wick was only 100 minutes and that did okay) not to mention dull as dishwater to sit through as after a while you're like "Okay just get to the killing."

And when it does get to the killing it's all just put together in the most ridiculous way you start laughing at it and not in a fun way I mean at one point Denzel tracks the bad guys in the dead of night and one yells out "Who are you?" to which I thought "I'm Batman" then there was his magic formula to make just about everything go KABLAM!!! without even trying.

And then and then there's the utterly stupid climax of the film that takes place in a hardware store (I'm not joking) so imagine if you will Die Hard taking place in Bunnings Warehouse or Masters Home Improvement or even Mitre 10 and the bad guys (who are the Russians AGAIN uhhh) getting killed by the very same parts you use to build a coffee table or a shelf for the garage.

I really thought Denzel was better than this stupid nonsense, I really did obviously I was wrong.

But that was the worst of the year lets now lighten the load and talk about the happy films of 2014 and by that I mean my best of the year list.

Gone Girl/Guardians of the Galaxy/Mandela Long Walk to Freedom: Yes folks there is a three way tie to kick off this best of list.

Gone Girl was a great look at modern marriage and was also a dark and stylish thriller from David Fincher and author/screenwriter Gillian Flynn plus it had a great performance by Rosamund Pike as well as Ben Affleck, Tyler Perry, Neil Patrick Harris and Carrie Coon, I didn't want to talk about this film much when I saw it but it was well worth the wait.

Guardians was also well worth the wait as this was a very fun Sci-Fi flick with terrific visual effects, a great pop soundtrack as well as a very good script and direction by James Gunn who mixes tones well, I did toy with taking it off this list but given I had so much fun with this film I decided (rightly) to leave it here.

And finally Mandela pleased both the film fan and political junkie in me and I just adored it, Idris Elba did a terrific job bringing this iconic man to life and the film nicely structures itself in a way that as it goes on the broader issue of Apartheid in South Africa comes to the fore of the world stage and the country tearing itself apart, its just a shame it was overlooked last year as it deserves a bigger audience.

But as good as those films were (and they were very good) they pale in what I consider to be my top 2 films of the year by a long way:

2. X-Men Days of Future Past: Released back in late May was Bryan Singer's return to the X-Men franchise as a Director with Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) sent back to 1973 to prevent the extinction of mutant kind.

This was easily my favorite comic book film of the year because I felt that it took the time more to tell a full story, it had much better villains (this is where Marvel Studios have really dropped the ball) plus it was very tightly focused and didn't run on longer than it needed to (I didn't miss Rogue all that much.)

Also watching this film reminded me very much of the impact the first 2 X-Men films had on me when they were originally released and a lot of that is to do with Singer himself who has done a great job translating this comic to the big screen in a way that honors the spirit of the books but also remembers that this is a film first and foremost and it makes me sad that contractual obligations prevented him from directing X-Men First Class as the series hasn't felt quite right without him.

But as good as that was my number 1 hit me in the heart:

Electric Boogaloo - The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films: Yes folks a documentary has taken out the top honor as my favorite film of the year.

But this documentary as I said just hit me in the heart as director Mark Hartley tells us the wild and crazy tale of Cannon Studios who made such notorious films like Superman 4, the Death Wish sequels and Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren and for me whilst watching it I thought to myself "I am in love with this documentary" and when it was over I was craving more in a big way but sadly Umbrella's pathetic DVD release contained no extras whatsoever which is an utter disgrace for such a great doco.

Another feeling I got was thinking how all of these titles were old RCA/Columbia Pictures/Hoyts Videotapes as they held the rights in Australia to their titles for the most part (Warner Home Video also held some) and it helped to give me the warm and fuzzy feelings so when this doco was over I knew that this was going to be my number 1 of the year and no feature film that I saw was going to top it.

And so that is my best and worst list in an extended form for 2014, stay tuned for Part 3 of my look back where I reveal my disappointments, regrets and surprises for the year.